Dr. Dan Wile On-Demand

Description

Course Overview

In Collaborative Couple Therapy, we take the problem that is occurring at the moment and, by giving voice to each partner’s experience, transform it into a moment of intimacy.  If Joe says to Carol, “It’s always about you. You’re selfish. You never consider anyone else. You never think about me at all,” the therapist, doubling for Joe, says, “As you can see, I’m angry” or “I worry you’re going to leave me” or “I fear we’re drifting apart” or “I worry you don’t like me anymore” or “I miss the way we use to be” or “What happened to us?” The therapist transforms Joe’s blurted out accusation into a disarming self-disclosure by bringing out the wish or fear hidden in the complaint. Since the therapist is making a guess, she or he immediately adds, “Where am I right and where am I wrong in my guess about how you feel?” John and Julie Gottman, who use doubling in their acclaimed couple therapy approach, have granted Dan the honor of calling their use of this method, “Doing a Dan Wile.”

The ultimate goal of Collaborative Couple Therapy is to increase the couple’s ability to:

• Solve the moment—to have the conversation needed to deal with whatever comes up in the relationship and, in particular, to recover from the inevitable periods of fighting and/or withdrawing.
• Create a platform—a vantage point above the fray—from which to guide the relationship and turn problems into opportunities for intimacy.

At the completion of this training, you will be able to:

• Help each partner find her or his voice
• Serve as each partner’s spokesperson
• Recognize the wish or fear concealed in the partner’s complaint
• Catch the fight before it escalates
• Recognize the power of acknowledgments in turning fights into conversations and alienated exchanges into intimate ones
• Bring partner in on what you’re doing in a manner that deepens the therapy and increases partners’ sense of safety.
• Empathize with the less likable partner
• Uncover the conversation hidden in the fight